I wrote this earlier this week when I needed to get it off my chest because it was burning a hole in my brain (I wonder how many more body metaphors I could squeeze into that sentence…ahem).
This corona virus thing has mostly been a blessing in disguise. I mulch potatoes, kiss skinned knees, flip pancakes, read aloud The Seven Silly Eaters, go on a run with my husband, bake bread, plant beans, hold a baby chick… the list of happy things goes on and on. The only thing about this “world change” that has completely rocked my world and made me question all I hold dear is the church.
And I’ve been through more than my share of church drama. When I was 7 my parents joined a homeschooling cult(ish) thing and declared the church I’d grown up in evil. When I was 14 my pastor had an affair with a woman he was counselling and it was a whole brouhaha. When I was 18 I went to a Christian College that made Bob Jones look like Berkeley and I gave up on organized religion altogether. But Christ wasn’t done with me, and neither Jim nor I lasted long outside of the church. Like Tennyson’s Hounds of Heaven we found ourselves in the grasp of an omniscient God. We left our legalistic roots and moved towards a more historical Christianity. We love stained glass windows and robes and liturgy. We love church, really truly love church. Due to seeing the “underbelly” of the church, I’ve always been pretty open minded. I’ve never thought that Baptists weren’t Christians or Lutherans weren’t Christians. I’ve always been a “big tent” Christian and I’ve always said that the church is filled with sinful people just like anywhere else. I thought I had developed a pretty hardy skin. We even survived another brouhaha last Fall with our sense of God and church still intact.
But historical, liturgy loving Christians don’t look at church the same way that a lot of modern day Christians do. For the guitar playing, overhead projector church with a mission statement and vbs program that rivals Disneyland, this quarantine has not affected who they are as Christians. (correct me if I’m wrong) If you’re a community minded Christian who believes that church is for learning and growing in the Lord and for meeting the needs of fellow Christians, then a world wide quarantine is a time to get creative.
As a Presbyterian though, I have (had?) a different perspective. Church wasn’t just a place you went to “grow or learn”. Presbyterians (and Lutherans, Episcopalians etc) believe that coming together as the real, in person, corporeal body of Christ is Scriptural, precious and beyond this world. When the Pastor stands, raises his hands and gives the call to worship, then the very foundations of the world shift, the heavens open and God comes down and communes with His people. It’s the holy of holies. The sacraments aren’t just reminders of God, they are true food and true drink. They are a means of grace. They trump all times of history, all wars/famines/pandemics, all governments. They are truly real things.
I totally, one hundred percent believed it. ...and then the corona virus hit and that rug got yanked out from under me. You can’t cancel or postpone or have an online church in the above scenario. And the fact that our church didn’t really believe those things too is earth shattering. I’m so horrified that I don't know where to go from here. Maybe it’s because I was in the catacombs last year at this time, standing where Christians faced certain death because they were so desperate to be together and take the Lord’s Supper together.
Again, if I had a different view of what church is, I could understand the logic of online church and quarantine (maybe? I don’t know, I’d have to hear from those of you who are on the other side of the theological table). But if God is truly omnipotent and the Bible is truly the inspired and infallible word of God. Then either this corona virus is no surprise, and doesn’t render churches suddenly non-essential for the first time in Christian history. Or it’s a mistake to think the whole “corporeal worship”, “True food/True drink” is true and necessary. Telling Christians they can’t congregate for months is the stuff of history books and legends. I feel like the breath has been knocked out of me. Maybe it’s silly of me to have believed church was real in a “heavens open up” way, maybe it is only supposed to be a place for God’s people to fellowship and grow together and I’m crazy for thinking there was more to it, but regardless, my heart hurts.
At this point I think I would attend any church, no matter what denomination if they were actually meeting and holding services.